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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 18, 2011 23:19:58 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, I don't think I've ever been so torn over anything in my entire life...
[center][div style=" background-image: url(http://www.cosmeticauniversal.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/leighton-meester-mtv-movie-awards-2011-04-200x300.jpg); border: #ffffff 5px solid; height: 200px; width: 200px; -webkit-box-shadow: 1px 2px 3px #222222;"] [/div][div style=" width:210; background-color: #f3f3f3; text-transform:uppercase; font-family:times new roman; font-style:italic; font-size: 15px; color: #6f848e; -webkit-box-shadow: 1px 2px 3px #222222;"]queenbitch is online,[/div][div style="width: 200px; background-color: #ededed; text-transform:lowercase; font-family: verdana; font-size: 10px; color: #6f848e; text-align: justify; padding: 5px; -webkit-box-shadow: 1px 2px 3px #222222;"]
TEXTHERE
[/div][div style=" width:210; background-color: #f3f3f3; text-transform:uppercase; font-family:times new roman; font-style:italic; font-size: 10px; color: #6f848e; -webkit-box-shadow: 1px 2px 3px #222222;"]made by HAY SHAY ! [url=http://z10.invisionfree.com/CAUTIONTOTHEWIND/index.php?showuser=14568]caution 2.0[/url][/div][/center] |
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Post by CASSIE MERCER on Jun 18, 2011 23:23:58 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! lol what are we torn about? |
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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 18, 2011 23:30:08 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, I feel like a pathetic whiney little bitchx.x
No matter what in do I can't get Christian off my mind
I love him so much and the idea of being away from him...it kills me
But I hate being...just so pathetic he's everything and that's not good.
I know he does so why can't I have something more?
But I haven't even found someone else I want to fuck and I already feel guilty.
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Post by CASSIE MERCER on Jun 18, 2011 23:32:48 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! that's love for ya
lol
it sucks
course i'm the crazy one in the family so idk if you wanna listen to me
i mean
there's no point in doing it just to do it
i mean if the opportunity comes along and you actually want to, sure
but to me
it just seems like
trying to force yourself to do it won't do you or him or anyone any good
again idk if you wanna trust my advice or not =P
but that's how i see it |
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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 18, 2011 23:41:09 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, love just sucks xD
And honestly, you make perfect sense to me
But then again I'm totally out of my Fucking mind so that might be it too
I just...I don't know anymore Cassie
I'm miserable and I feel stupid and I hate myself for feeling this way.
No one wants me around anyway
And that's just it...I know I'm never going to want to
I'm never going to want anyone else and that scares the hell out of me
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Post by CASSIE MERCER on Jun 18, 2011 23:46:16 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! lol could be =P
i don't usually make much sense to anyone
about anything
i'm miserable too but i don't really care much
b/c while i don't like being miserable
he means more to me than i mean to me
i know it might be stupid
unhealthy
but it doesn't matter much
i'd be much more miserable changing things than i am now
it's all a matter of who's more important to you
and why you're doing it
to feel good?
to make him jealous?
to prove a point?
honestly if you're expecting things to change with christian
the only change you can make happen is making things worse
he's too goddamn stubborn =P
probably doesn't help matters but that's just how i see things |
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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 18, 2011 23:54:29 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, I understand, I may not always act like it but I do
Please don't take this as me trying to compare myself to you
Or looking for a pity party or something
But from what I can see, at least Corban seems to care about you...and he tries to make you happy.
It's stupid and crazy...
I don't want to do this for me
I just...it's more than making him jealous...it's I don't know
Everything I do is for him and it just feels like, he'd be better
Happier if I wasn't around
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Post by CASSIE MERCER on Jun 19, 2011 0:13:07 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! lol nah that's cool
he does seem to, doesn't he?
a lot more these days
kinda confuses me lol
not sure if i should believe it or not, honestly
at any rate
i don't think you'd still be around if he'd be happier without you =P
maybe he's just got my situation
i'm not happy now, but i could be less happy
ya know?
chris doesn't really seem like the type to put up with shit for no reason
i can't really speak for him
but yeah |
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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 19, 2011 0:29:03 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, Yeah, but might as well take advantage of it while it lasts?
It just...none of it makes sense to me
If he's not happy
And I'm not happy
What's the point?
Whether I'm here or not, I doubt he'd even notice.
I just I know things could be a lot worse.
I'm miserable but I'd just die
But sometimes I already like I'm deadÂ
Sorry, I'm out of my mind
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Post by CASSIE MERCER on Jun 19, 2011 0:41:18 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! might as well =P
well do you think either of you would honestly feel any better?
it's the whole "less of two evils" thing lol
just like
when i'm around corban
it hurts
like my heart is tearing itself to pieces
but when i thought i wouldn't be able to see him ever again
it felt like my entire being was tearing itself apart
and i'm sure he'd notice eventually =P
he just keeps himself so busy i'd try not to take it personally if it took a little bit lol
but i mean
if he didn't care or if he cared in a bad way
why are you still together?
i mean
you have to mean something to him for him to have not pulled out divorce papers yet or anything
he's just a deville
so he sucks at showing it
or doesn't want to show it
eh don't worry
you don't seem crazy to me, at least =P |
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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 19, 2011 7:31:57 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, It wouldn't be easier, for me at least
Though to be honest I don't know why were still together
It just feels like I'm just waiting for him to finally say it's over
Not knowing is killing me I just feel like ripping my own heart out because that at least would be less painful
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Post by DANNA DEVILLE on Jun 19, 2011 9:02:08 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! well i'm sure there's a reason =P
i mean ya'll are known for crazy drama, from what i've heard
maybe he's just tired of that
and thinks that maybe if he distances himself it can be avoided
or something
idk
throwing out ideas lol
don't worry i understand that
corban's been so sweet lately
but i feel like i'm on edge
just waiting for him to tell me it's all a lie and that he wants me to die or whatever
the ripping out of the heart is also a tempting thought i've had too lol
course that would kill me so i'm not allowed to do it
but maybe you could like ask him, just so you'll feel better
like ask him if he wants you to leave
or whatever you really want to know
and like don't make a big deal about it
but don't like joke about it, either
like being serious without all of the drama
almost like casual conversation, i guess |
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Post by CYNTHIA DEVILLE on Jun 19, 2011 9:24:25 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, I'm sure you've never heard anyone say this
But I'm almost jealous you're human
Dying would just be easy...I'm sure no one would stop me at least
Though I'm glad they did with you, you'll see eventually and you'll be happy they did
And talking is good...I guess
If I wasn't terrified to do it
Should I do it in person or like im?
Idk if I could keep myself...from breaking down I guess you could say
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Post by DANNA DEVILLE on Jun 19, 2011 9:31:24 GMT -5
| [atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, width: 300px; height: 200px; background-image: url(http://i56.tinypic.com/2v1ndpe.jpg); border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; -moz-border-radius: 40px 10px 40px 10px; border: 1px dashed #6E7B8B;] Casanova ! lol yeah def never heard that one
human is only good when people don't make you promise to stay alive lol
lol i sure hope so
i feel bad though
didn't even think about corban when i was doing
i couldn't do that to him =/
and if you're afraid of having a big ole emotional attack
maybe im him
maybe start off with trivial stuff
and then sneak it in there
i mean it'll be awkward
but nothing about this sort of thing is going to be easy
and it seems the most effective of everything else |
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Post by MELANIE DAVEK on Jun 19, 2011 9:40:34 GMT -5
queenbitch is online, I think I probably will...eventually
I'm pretty sure i'm bipolar and an emotional spazz
Lol so yeah, freaking out at all if anything will piss him off
Which usually leads to me getting pissed off
Yep one big pain in the ass cycle
So iming it is once I figure out what to say.
Okay this is going to sound kind of pathetic
But I think I'm going to do it now, but I'm going to keep talking to you too
Maybe it'll help me remain calm, if only a little bit.
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